By Marks Abaiko
Envisaging a society of disorder, God in his omnipotence and omniscience instituted the term marriage which is a union between a man and a woman after following certain principles.
This institution that was proclaimed by God and acclaimed by governments has been received with mixed feelings in Cameroon as the actors on the Romantic Stage have concerted to dance on the melody of divorce which is a direct adverse to marriage.
Before now, the term that guided marriages was; ” For Better and For Worse”, because the characters of the play had an equated understanding of the fact that to find a good partner is rare, and that life will sometimes be unfair, but they have to dare especially when they know God always care.
This notion that was literally scripted on their minds made the parties promise never to quit, as they use wit to make the marriage sweet.
The effort of the partners made marriage admirable, formidable and désirable to the extent that even the devil had wished to be married. Divorce was rare because the parties understood everyone could ere.
Facing our contemporaries, the rapidity of Divorce stemming from marriages conducted with so much expenditures and gymnastics which sadly ends even before the invitees could finish their rice and stew has pushed many to ask the big question as to; What really went wrong?
In other to attempt an answer, it is germane to scan through the Causes of the so many Divorce cases in Cameroon. These causes includes; Lack of Preparation, Lack of Counseling, Emergence of Social Media criteria, Fornication, and Increase in the Cost of living.
(1) Lack of Preparation
Early marriages lasted because both parties were prepared for marriage by their parents. On the part of girls, their parents start preparing them for marriage at a certain age by teaching them how to be humble and respectful, as well as cleaning and Catering for the home.
On the part of the boys, they were taught bravery, skills and how to be responsible. After the preparation, the girl is handed for marriage to a man that has also been prepared. The consequence is nothing but a sweet, enduring and lasting marriage.
The narrative isn’t the same today as many parents do not prepare their children for marriage because they are too busy to even have a daily conversation with them or because families now are disorganized. The mother is on her own corner while the father is at his own side. This separation affects the child who will be brought up solely by the mother or father. At times a boy child will be raised by solely the mother while the reverse is true
This aspect alone makes many people to enter into marriage with little or no knowledge or training as to what is marriage. This account for the somany divorce cases today, because when two ignorant people meet, the result will always be disaster.
(2) Lack of Counseling
Going for counseling before marriage became a necessity during the industrial revolution which introduces a lot of machines which consequentially facillitated migration. As a result, many children were separated from their parents since they have to travel to Urban areas or abroad for greener pasture. Due to this influx of migration, many children weren’t prepared for marriage by their parents because of the distance.
Though this preparation was lacking, children of marriageable ages will always come back home and seek advice from their parents, guardians or religious leaders. Some religious leaders even impose a 6 months observation period which they term courtship.
During this period, the parties are constantly Counselled on certain issues before they finally get married. During this period, each party gets to know the weakness and strength of the other and decide if to proceed or not. Because of This counseling period, many marriages last since each party understands who they are getting married too.
This is no longer the case today because even God the author of the romantic stage is bewildered with the fact that immartured youths are now antagonist on not only love scenes but all marital episodes. These people don’t give a damn to procedures nor counseling.
In as much they have the money, they meet on social media today, plan marriage online and meet only during a week before the wedding day. Some meet their parents 1 month to their marriage just for date fixing and tradition.
Such marriages where parties hurrily marry with no counseling is an engine to Divorce.
(3) *Emergence of Social Media Criteria.
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Before now, the criteria for choosing a wife was Character, because it was known that character beautifies a lady. For the boys it was just hard work and responsibleness.
Due to the advent of social media, these criteria has witness a paradigm shift. The digital criteria for chosen a wife now consist of ; A Beautiful face, ” big Boobs” ( breast) and big ” boots”( buttocks). If you don’t have these, no matter how refined your character is, you may face difficulties receiving an invitation to the alter.
For the boys, it’s just 3 criteria; Money, More Money, and Money again.
As a result of this digital invented criteria, many girls have neglected the necessity to build a good character and are now concentrating on cosmetic products that can transform their faces from black to fair, that can enlarge their breast and buttocks.
On the other hand, the boys have abandoned responsible and moral jobs to engage into scamming, stealing and Killing just to earn a living and get more money which can enable them meet of up with the criterion for marriage as demanded by most girls and parents.
At the end of the day, the result is a union between an irresponsible rich fellow with a beautiful devil. This cannot work, so divorce will always be the only way out.
(4) Increase in Fornication
Fornication is a religious term which refers to sexual intercourse before marriage. Prior now, one of the criterial for marriage was virginity. infact, it was the main standard, especially for females. Parents ensure the virginity of their girl child is preserve till they hand her for marriage.
This aspect contributed to the lasting nature of marriages because the husband’s provides a lot of respect and honour to the wife’s they marry as a virgin. Because she was married a virgin, she is treated with a lot of care and love, making it difficult for her to think of divorce.
Looking at our society today, virginity which was the test for marriage has been relegated at the background because of the invention of a sexual enterprise. Due to the lucrativeness of the sexual enterprise, many girls have not only sold their virginity in exchange for money, they are constantly using it as capital for profit making in this enterprise.
The most adverse effect of these sex traders is nothing but a loose Virgina which is commonly referred to as ” borehole”.
The boys and men who are the customers of this business engage into consumption of products like penis enlargement, drugs and man power drinks all in a bit to meet up with the unimaginable sexual height of some of these girls.
After doing business for a while, the lady who now decides to marry ends up making the biggest error by abandoning the boys with enlarge penis for responsible boys who do not take penis enlargement, drugs nor man power during sex.
The consequence will be a cry of sex starvation or inability of her husband to satisfy her. She will end up giving the papers a caption like
” Woman Divorces husband, says his “Thing” is too small”.
This shameful reason defeats the settled principle that ; “No Penis is too small for a well kept Virgina”.
On the other hand, the man or boy who has been consuming drugs, penis enlargement and man power for sex marathons finally marries a lady who is a virgin or a lady who hasn’t been sexually active. Due to the pain she suffers during penetration, she files for a divorce by giving the papers a caption
” Woman files for Divorce, says her husband “Thing” is too big”.
Again, a man who isn’t sexually active but marries a former sexual trader, will definitely file for a divorce with a caption from the papers as
” Man files for Divorce, says wife’s hole is too deep”.
All these examples are evident from the fact that out of 10 divorce marriages, 9 of the partners were former fornicators. Once it’s cultivated from the garden of fornication, it needs the grace of God for it to last.
As an addendum, increase in the cost of living has it own share of contribution.
Summarily, after zooming through all these causes, the question that lingers into ones mind is ; What can be done to reduce or prevent divorce cases in Cameroon ?
This is a topic for another day.